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I Don't Give A Damn About My Bad Reputation
Current mood:  cynical
For anyone of you who actually cares, I wasn't at school today because I haven't gotten out of bed since monday, which is why it took me a few days to respond to any messages.
Thanks by the way, to the people I eat lunch with, you guys are all too cool. ^.^ it was nice to wake up and have a message from you guys.
Anyways, since sunday i've had this mixture of sickness and depression all coming together, and trying to avoid it. i stayed home today because i honestly didn't have the ability to deal with anyone. So instead I took it upon myself to lay in bed all day and sleep, watch movies, and a few t.v. shows, but mostly sleep.
I still feel like shit emotionally but i feel better physically. And I do feel somewhat better emotionally thanks to Tyler who never fails to make me feel better, but i'm still not 100% either way.
Excuse my inability to remain happy for more than a week these days. I do try, but attempts get rather worthless after a while. It's as if as soon as I start to feel 99%, something happens to change my mood around and make me the kind of person that isn't too thrilling to be around, not that anyone cares how "thrilling" i am to be around, as long as i'm there to hear you bitch, right? I'm only here for you when you're unhappy of course.
Excuse me for that behavior, but I've come to terms with the fact that I honestly don't give a shit.
I'm sorry if I don't drone over everyone's problems as much as I used to, I do still try and care but this highschool drama is overwhelming and this huge battle over "whos fucking who" and "that boy/girl doesn't like me" is getting ridiculous. And I've started to feel like the only reason anyone even talks to me these days is to bitch about things that wont matter in a few years anyways. I think it's time for everyone to just grow up and deal with their shit, because dolls, there's much worse things in the world to deal with rather than who you're going to prom with or whos cheating on who or whatever. it gets ridiculous after a while.
highschoolers.are.fucking.ridiculous.
these girls and boys who get so wrapped up in their fickle little highschool relationships like they're seriously going to last. it's ridiculous. you think you can base the rest of your life on a relationship where you don't do anything but make out all the time? where you constantly change yourselves to impress the other rather than just loving eachother for the bullshit pathetic people you are? everyone you call your so-called friends' services are no longer needed once you've got a fuck buddy because you've got your fickle relationship so no one matters anymore. you're all ridiculous pathological liars. you lie so people will actually like you, because you know yourself unlike everyone else, you know how poor and pathetic you are, how many lies you have to tell just so you can get a date to prom. why the fuck do you even bother waking up in the morning? Do you realize how fucking dead you all really are? how little of yourselves is actually left in your pathetic excuse for a mind?
Not to mention you pathetic cretins who take it upon yourself to pull the whole "i'm such an individual" routine and act like you're your own person when we all know as soon as a new crowd rolls around you'll be lighting up a cigarette just so they think you're cool and hard core but we all know when the next batch of kids rolls around who thinks smoking is for pussys you'll be the straightest kid around. right? fuck you. you suck
you know you're going to lose everything eventually. Do you think for a second your "friends" will stick around? fuck no, they get what they want and when you give them something to deal with they don't want anything to do with you. these highschool friendships, don't think they'll last. these people will get rid of you first chance they get at something better. your assistance is only temporary. Than they go ahead and change themselves to impress the next batch of idiots to come along. Hell, in highschool people are too busy changing themselves to impress everyone that they don't know SHIT about themselves.
You're with one crowd you're a laid back, straight edge, bisexual person who doesn't give a shit about what other people think. but once you go to the next group you're suddenly straight, uptight and bitchy, you go to one group you're a fucking lesbian, you impress whoever the fuck you can just to get a cheap thrill for a few months until you find someone else to change for. Tell me, who the fuck in their right mind would let their """"Friends"""" choose their sexuality, personality, and preferences for them? well, medically speaking probably ANYONE in their right mind would and anyone who didn't probably has some fucking personality disorder right?
yeah i bet you're reading this right now and agreeing with everything i'm saying being like "yeah man she's so right, highschoolers totally suck i'm not like that at all" BULLSHIT. you're exactly that. you probably don't think you are but why don't you go look in a fucking mirror, you're a shallow fucking idiot. you think the fact you're in advanced classes makes you smart? that you've got straight A's? That you're going to Harvard. you're not fucking smart. you're just as stupid as the guy that uses pot or cocaine or heroin to forget his problems. you're fucking pathetic.
you think you "know how i feel"? or "see what i mean?" yeah fucking right. tell me that in 5 years when you're married and fucking your husband's bestfriend, or you're walking out on your wife in 5 fucking kids on welfare and i'm in a fucking insane asylum because i can't stand anymore of you people's bullshit.
you're all the fucking same, it makes me want to fucking scream.
yeah whatever. have fun in highschool, i'll be there physically but my mind is way more advanced than your teenage bullshit.
"To all the ones who hated me the most, a toast, you really had me going for a second I was nervous, boy am I the poster girl?"
oh and for anyone who cares, friday night was fun, saturday kind of sucked except for the night time ^.^ and sunday was whatever.
there's your update on my weekend
ciao.
Oh...and If you considered this blog might be about you...it probably was.
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Currently watching :
girl, interrupted
Release date: By 06 June, 2000 |
10:45 PM - 9 Comments - 8 Kudos - add comment - edit - remove
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